I need Him in my life.

After the conversation with bh 2 weeks ago, I've been thinking alot. Like really alot as to where I need to bring myself for the next 5 years of my life. Let's just work on 5 years first. Bh said i really shouldn't be moving backwards when i told her i won't mind going back to a 2k/mth job to be a designer. She said I should be confident and self-secured enough to take on a no. 2 position job for what i've accumulated over the last 5 years of working. But to be honest, i think i belong to the category where i'll never see myself in a managerial position. I dunno...I used to be proud of my ambitious character and used to think i am capable to perform in higher platforms. But that fighting spirit in me seems to have die a slow death over the years and now i've lost all confidence that i'm up to the mark for anything. Mabbe i've lost God, the only source of winning spirit that i used to have.

Sometime last night suddenly i seem to hear God speak. I'm happy doing what i'm doing now becos it's the things i'm familiar with. But i can't continue like this becos that's really a lazy attitude towards life and work, and slowly that attitude will eat me up and made me worthless. By then i'll be the greatest disappointment to everyone and myself. So this is the morning that i woke up to, having a very clear direction in my head that i'm gonna pull my shadow back and fight. The glam of working in a regional office is tempting and appealing but i'm gonna give it another half a year more to go (till bonus time..well wat do you expect!). If nothing appropriate comes along within the orgainsation, i shall pick up my courage to move on. By then i hope i'll be clear-minded enough to know exactly what i want. That brings me back 3yrs ago when I've made a career/personal growth plan that joining bh will only be a 2yr hiatus (in a way) so that i could make use of the time and money flexibility to accomplish what I needed to (getting my driver's license and finishing a design diploma) so right now, bringing back that checklist plan, the tasks are almost completed although it's taken a little longer more than 2yrs. I need to get back on the main road traffic confident enough to take the speeding lane.

Having plans AND taking actions to adhere to it made me confident.

So right now I'll leave the good next 6 months for God to handle in His own time and wisdom and by the time jan 08 comes, I know i'll have my next blueprint to work on.