I crave for the winter wind in my cheeks

I must be feeling too lonely. And/or deeply melancholic. Becos i haven't been eating properly. And i've been blogging. Desparately wanting to talk to someone but not wanting to speak to anyone in particular.

I have all the EQ and miss-happy hormones to make meself happy and motivated but for now, i just wanna be a loser and weep a tear or two. There will a demanding turn in the workplace by end of this year and i'm not sure if i could and/or wanna be part of it. The 2 years in a cosy and non political office has fleeted by so quickly. Now, they've let the greyhounds in.

hooowwwl...



did our nails today, liz jj and me. didnt really like mine. would've prefer black over rose but that's quite against the corporate rules so it's black toenails + rose fingernails. how disgusting.

the school didnt call to cancel tmr's class so that means my lecturer doesnt have reservist night duty as he had assumed he would have. so that means i've to speed to school after the cocktail ends. and cocktail's at marine parade. and i hasn't exactly got what he wants to see tmr. *big sigh* mabbe tmr he'll tell me i'm one of those (or the only one of them) who will not make it - the 6th week death verdict. it's like the 81-square invisble killer boardgame jiajia designed. 1 killer and 4 civilians. everyone moves a step at a time on the board with the killer being invisible and only revealing his position at every 5th move. so everyone progress progress thinking and hoping they know where they're smartly going and at the 5th step, it's either you wipe your sweat you're half the board away from the darned killer or get a heart attack he's in the adjacent square right beside you. and the killer's got super pass to whisk from end to end in one move.

louis's sick. He ain't behaving his usual self for the past one week and I had such a hard time squeezing in a doctor's appointment for him this sat morning but I finally managed to. I can't bear to think anything about this. He'll be well. He'll be well. He will be well.

nothing much to say / feel at the moment about my so-called birthday celebration this sat. i hate the wavering moods toward an upcoming occasion / party. why can't i just consistently feel excited (or nonchalant) about the big things that's happening. don't like to be unsure about personal opinions towards anything / any matter.

anyway, i'm thinking harder what i could do for mother's day. ain't used to mushy stuff like cards or cook-her-a-dinner (anyway i can't cook for nuts) so that means i could only convey my love through tangible means. money does not equate insincerity as it is often misconstrued. at least not for my case. i had wanted to get the goodwood apartment for sat but decided i could use that money on her instead. Seriously i think she'll love to get gold bars! I think that's quite a funny truth i just said.

alright i need to stop blogging half-baked thoughts and get my mind onto my project. i dislike being told that i've lost focus in the things i do. Becos i dislike being a disappointment to people (and myself).